Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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