I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
