i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and she was petting her beer can
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
