Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
