Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
