It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
