I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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