Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
