If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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