Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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