get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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