the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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