Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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