I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
