I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize