I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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