if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
