my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
