I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize