1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
