And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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