nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
