Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
