I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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