I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
