Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
