90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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