This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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