Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This house was built for laser tag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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