Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
