i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
