Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
