She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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