im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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