Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize