Define "chronic" masturbator.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
