things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
