After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
