With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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