shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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