my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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