I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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