i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
