I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
