from now on my penis is your penis
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
