I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
