I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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