Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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