my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
