Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
