i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
