Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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