After last night, I could never be a politician.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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