I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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