The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I believe in your delicious
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
