i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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