its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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