i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
