Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
