my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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