Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
