This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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