So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
soo... how was my night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
