I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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